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He says he doesn’t use the internet much on weekdays, but I’m reluctant to give anyone my phone number until I have chatted with them for a period of time. This is where I came up with the idea (espoused in Why He Disappeared) of “effective vs. Then, presuming a few phone calls go well, you want to meet him for a safe coffee date at on a Tuesday, so you can have a quick exit strategy if you don’t click. I spend about a half-hour explaining it in my Finding the One Online audio program, which helps women flirt and connect with quality men online.

If you think something is reasonable, but nobody else on the planet agrees with you, you’re going to be more effective by finding a compromise point closer to the majority position. Men who don’t pick up the full check on Date 1 are not “wrong”, but they are ineffective. In the Venn Diagram of Online Dating (copyright, Evan Marc Katz), men’s circle is Speed. He wants to meet you right NOW and see you naked ASAP. You know as well as I do that women don’t want to be bullied into going on blind dates: “Dear Dan, thank you for your initial inquiry. Besides, your profile doesn’t say very much about you, so maybe if you tell me more about yourself, if we click, then, maybe in a few weeks, I’ll give you my phone number and we can go from there.” This is the entire reason that I came up with a strategy that works for both men AND women.

I would suggest that both will find their stances largely ineffective in dealing with the majority of the population.

I’ve encountered very few men who have a problem with this.

Just like meeting rather than being picked up on the first date, it’s really no big deal.