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A person can say that they want a relationship but if they privately believe that they’re not good enough or that they’re afraid of being vulnerable or that a relationship is only ‘right’ if the person is ‘perfect’ all of the time or whatever, they can make certain noises and actions that appear to be going down the relationship path but at the same time they’ll also behave in line with their beliefs in subtle and not so subtle ways – code amber and red behaviour as well as signs of disinterest.

Messages show the player initiating their bathroom meeting, suggesting a 'special toilets f***', and saying the pair had to be 'sneaky' as other All Blacks were around.

Unfortunately the person who says one thing, does another and thinks another won’t be upfront.

They’ll think that they are…and then they’ll say or do something else entirely. There’s thoughtlessness mixed with lack of application.

Smith was suspended by the All Blacks and issued a tearful apology after being caught following an 'incident' in a toilet cubicle at Christchurch Airport in New Zealand just before he was due to jump on a plane for South Africa with the team last October.